Reflections in the Mirror
Why Can't I Accept a Compliment? (And How to Say Thank You)
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Have you ever noticed how some people just cannot take a compliment?
You tell them, “You look really pretty today.”
And before you’ve even finished saying it, they’re already explaining why you’re wrong.
“Oh, this old thing? My hair is a mess.”
Or you tell them, “You did such a great job!”
And they say, “Oh, it really wasn’t anything. Anybody could have done it.”
Or maybe someone tells you, “I’m really proud of you.”
And suddenly you don’t quite know what to do with those words.
I’ve always found that interesting.
Because I don’t think you’re necessarily trying to be modest.
I think sometimes you really don’t see what everyone else sees.
If you’ve ever wondered why it’s so hard to accept a compliment, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about why it happens, and what can help.
Why Is It So Hard to Accept a Compliment?
I think there can be a reason for that.
Maybe nobody told you that you were beautiful when you were growing up.
Maybe nobody told you that you were smart.
Maybe nobody noticed the little things you did right.
Maybe you didn’t hear “I’m proud of you” very often.
Maybe you heard plenty of criticism, but not nearly enough encouragement.
And after a while, you start believing what you’ve been hearing.
You learn to brush off the good stuff.
You learn to explain it away.
“They’re just being nice.”
“They don’t really mean that.”
“It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
And isn’t it funny?
We can hear one negative thing someone said about us twenty years ago and somehow remember every word of it.
But someone can tell us something wonderful about ourselves today, and we immediately start looking for a reason they must be wrong.
Why do we do that?
I think sometimes it’s because we’ve gotten so used to looking for what’s wrong that we don’t quite know what to do when someone points out what’s right.
And maybe that’s where things get interesting.
You don’t have to think you’re better than anyone else to recognize something good about yourself.
You don’t have to make yourself smaller to be a good person.
You don’t have to dismiss every compliment just because you’re not used to hearing one.
How to Start Seeing Yourself Differently
Maybe the first thing you have to do is simply see yourself a little differently.
Not completely differently.
Just a little.
Maybe instead of immediately arguing with someone who says something kind about you, you pause for a second.
What if they’re not just being nice?
What if they’re actually seeing something in you that you haven’t learned to see yet?
I really love that thought.
Because you don’t have to wake up tomorrow and suddenly think you’re wonderful at everything.
That’s probably not going to happen.
How to Say Thank You When Someone Compliments You
Maybe you just start small.
Someone says, “You did a really good job.”
And instead of immediately explaining why they’re wrong…
You just say,
“Thank you.”
That’s it.
Two little words.
But maybe those two little words are the beginning of something.
Because the more you allow yourself to hear the good things without immediately pushing them away, the more you might start believing them.
And maybe, little by little, you become more comfortable with who you are.
Not some perfect version of yourself.
Just you.
The person who has made mistakes.
The person who has gotten things right.
The person who has learned things the hard way.
The person who has strengths you don’t always recognize.
The person who has probably been a lot harder on yourself than you ever needed to be.
Sometimes it helps to actually write those things down—the things other people see in you that you have a hard time seeing in yourself. A little time with a journal can give you a place to slow down and really think about them.
And maybe that’s how believing in yourself begins.
Not with suddenly thinking you’re amazing.
Not with pretending you don’t have flaws.
Just with being willing to consider that maybe there is more good in you than you’ve been able to see.
Maybe you don’t have to figure it all out at once.
Maybe you can just start by seeing yourself a little differently.
Become a little more comfortable with who you are.
And somewhere along the way…
Maybe you start believing in yourself.
And if you’re someone who likes having a little something beside you while you work through those thoughts, a guided journal can be a nice place to start. The idea isn’t to “fix” yourself. It’s simply to give yourself some room to notice the things you might normally overlook.
Explore a self-love journal (paid link)
And sometimes we need little reminders, too. Something as simple as a card with a kind message can give you a moment to stop, breathe, and remember what you’re trying to learn about yourself.
Explore affirmation and reflection cards (paid link)
So the next time somebody says something kind about you…
Don’t explain it away.
Don’t argue with them.
Don’t tell them why they’re wrong.
Just try two little words.
Thank you.
Because you never know.
That little thank you might be the beginning of seeing yourself through kinder eyes.
And maybe, just maybe…
the person you’ve been waiting to believe in you has been standing in the mirror all along.
So I’m curious…
Are you good at accepting compliments, or are you one of those people who immediately explains why the other person is wrong?
Tell me in the comments. I have a feeling a lot of us are going to recognize ourselves in this one.
If this spoke to you, you might also like:
- The Mirror I Never Expected to Find: Sometimes the hardest person to see clearly is ourselves.
- The Moment I Saw Myself: Sometimes the hardest thing to look at isn’t another person. It’s yourself.
- I’m Finally Getting to Know Myself: What happens when we stop looking at ourselves through everyone else’s eyes and start discovering who we really are.
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